Prior to last month I'd never meditated before in my life. I'd never even considered it, as I'm not a hippie, but when I found myself in the meditation capital of the world again (Chiang Mai, Thailand) with little to do for a week I said "Hey! Why not?" I'd heard the temples in Chiang Mai offer the best meditation courses, so I went to my favorite temple with caves, underground tunnels, massive stupas, and a stunning lake to see if they offered courses - and indeed they did! The eager monk told me to return the next day at 8am dressed in all white and with little attachments. I went clothes shopping and I had no vacuum cleaner, so figured I was all set.
I arrived the next morning and was trained in the discipline of Vipassana meditation (the Buddha's favorite) then was given the daily schedule which I was told to follow rigidly. The schedule looked something like this:
4am - Wake up
I stopped right there. Hold up, monk, you really expect me to wake up at 4am for the next 3 days? I'm not so sure this is for me, after all. He laughed and said that many foreigners had concerns about that portion of the schedule, but after the first day your body adjusts. What the heck, I'll give it a try.
OK, on with the rest of the schedule:
4:30am - Morning chanting
5am - Meditation
7am - Cleaning
Hold up, again. So you expect me to meditate for TWO HOURS right after I wake up at 4am?! And then clean the entire monastery? Again, this isn't for me, but fine, I'll give it a shot.
7:30am - Breakfast
8am - Relaxation
10am - Meditation
12pm - Lunch
12:30pm - Free time
2pm - Meditation
4pm - Relaxation
5pm - Dinner
5:30pm - Meditation
7pm - Evening chanting and monk chat
8pm - Lights out
For a person who typically goes to bed around 3am and wakes up around 10am I knew this was going to be a massive challenge, but I'm all about enlightening myself and whatnot, so here goes.
During the first meditation at 10am on the first day the monk approaches me midway through my session and asks if I'm having a problem meditating.
"No," I say, "Why do you ask?"
"Well, you appear to be sleeping," he responds.
"I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating," I reply.
"Well, meditation does not require snoring," he states.
"Oh, well isn't meditation just a form of sleeping upright?" I ask.
"Unfortunately not, sister." he replies.
Now understanding what meditation isn't, I set off to discover what meditation is.
I proceed through the remainder of the day with ease (and a bit of drowsiness), but manage to do everything else seemingly correct.
In the evening we arrive at the monk chat, the final agenda item before bed time, and have a revealing discussion with the lead monk teacher on issues such as transcendentalism, prophecies, asceticism, breathing, attachment, and the works. All the day's efforts and this Buddha talk had drained me of energy and I was ready for dinner. I ask the monk where we'll meet for dinner, and he explains that monks and novices practicing meditation only eat two meals per day. I feign acceptance, but in the back of my mind I just wanted this conversation to end so that I could start scheming my escape to the nearby fried rice buffet.
Just as monk chat ended and the pupils began exiting the temple, the skies opened as never before seen. There was no way that I could sneak out and grab a bite, so I just went back to my room, read a few lines from the book "What Your Poo Says About You" and was fast asleep by 8:15pm.
10 minutes later I hear a knock on my door, look down at my phone, and realize it's 4am already! I jump up, put my white suit on, and head to morning chant. Following the chant I go to the lake to meditate and watch the sunrise, but am interrupted by the same monk teacher asking me if I'm having problems meditating. Aw heck! I was asleep again. My bad, monk. I down some of his coffee and continue with my meditation.
In theory, when one meditates your mind should be clear of all thoughts, expectations, worries, obstructions, etc. But instead, my mind was full of to-do lists, as I was on a work trip that had been postponed and had much more work to do the following week in Vietnam. During this particular meditative moment as I was going through my Vietnam checklist I realized that I'd failed to do Step 1: Secure a visa. Holy shit!
I ran to the abbot's office and begged him to use his computer so that I could Google Map the nearest Vietnamese embassy, and explained to the abbot that I was going to Vietnam the following week and had forgotten to secure my visa. Luckily when I got online I realized that I was able to apply for a visa-on-arrival, which I did at that time and received the following day. But that part I didn't explain to the abbot. I told him that I was very sorry, but that I would have to leave the meditation retreat, as I had to get on the next flight to Bangkok where the nearest Vietnamese embassy was. In truth, I just wanted to sleep on something other than a concrete floor and straw mat, and eat something more than gourd floating in yellowish broth.
PEACE OUT, MONK!
Since then, I've spoken to several friends who practice meditation independently and have begun a solo journey which is working out for me much better than the retreat/course did. Occasionally I'll even catch myself in states where I'm not sure if I'm awake, asleep, dreaming or meditating, because they're all such integral parts of my life now.
Just this morning I was in bed and remembered that I didn't have a visa for my next trip this weekend, then I realized I was just having a bad dream. Or was I meditating, as visa issues cropping up during meditative states aren't unheard of for me, clearly. Regardless, I 'woke up' to realize that I do, actually, have my visa and it was just pre-departure paranoia creeping in.
I love meditation and how it's enhanced my Christian spiritual journey so much that I'm going to study Transpersonal Psychology in graduate school next year. TP is the integration of spirituality with psychology, and since I've been working with CPI I've been interested in focusing more on this as I work with many psychologically disturbed survivors of landmines and UXO in Southeast Asia, and also have grown more spiritually inclined. I feel comfortable with this life dream and plan, and know that somehow through it all:
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