rock climbing: woes and whoa!'s

feeling a bit underadventurous recently in my role as english teacher, i decided to shake things up a bit today and go rock climbing. i'd heard that thailand's offerings have developed a strong reputation throughout the international climbing community so i figured i'd see what all the buzz was about.

a bit of personal background:
(1) i have no prior rock climbing experience. i'd been indoor bouldering a couple of times when i lived in colorado, but the landscape, techniques, courses, gear, etc. are unique to each sport.
(2) i don't particularly enjoy heights. i'm far from being acrophobic, but very seldom do i voluntarily find myself in situations hundreds of feet above ground with only a rope and a man with whom i can barely communicate keeping me alive.
(3) i think nature is cute. onward...

i arrive at the rock climbing center at 8:15 a.m. and pile into the back of a pick-up truck with several other eager climbers. after a beautiful drive through the mountains and rice paddies we arrive at crazy horse buttress. we unpack our gear and proceed to prepare both mentally and physically for what's ahead of us today. i find a quiet spot on a nearby rock to visually map out the easiest courses while attempting to achieve the perfect equilibrium of hydration and energy with a bottle of water and cashews. i check and double check the security of my harness, helmet, shoes, belay devices, etc. i peak over at my instructor/guide to see how his own preparation ritual is going - he's scurrying up the face of the mountain setting the route with his bare feet, no helmet, and chain smoking a pack of marlboro reds. where did i go wrong?

we set off on our great adventure and i can honestly say that i've never in such a short period of time experienced so many incredibly exhilarating highs and, conversely, so many utterly death-defying, gut-wrenching lows. or, what i would like to refer to as my woes and whoa!'s:

whoa! - unabandoned, uninhibited, blissfully explicit exposure to nature. you're dangling...literally floating in the middle of nature. no people, traffic, smog, waste. nothing but the mountain, the trees, the birds, and the wind surround you. and the breathtaking view that is your reward for reaching the top.
woe - as you're climbing, sticking your hand into a crevice of the mountain to balance your weight only to realize you've stuck your hand into a finely nestled beehive.


woe - having your guide realize that your ATC (the device that essentially ensures you don't plummet to a bloody, rocky death) has a crack in it just as you step off the cliff.
whoa! - having a back-up ATC, a chain-smoking guide with quick reflexes, and faith


woe - hiking 200 ft up the side of the mountain to realize that the only way back down is to rappel through the mouth of a perceivably bottomless cave
whoa! - realizing that there is, in fact, a bottom to said cave, reaching it, and realizing "hey, i'm standing at the bottom of a 200 ft deep cave!!!"


whoa.